Saturday, January 12, 2013

Zen Zen Zo Stomping Ground - Week 1 Final

Last thoughts for the week include "Oh dear god we stomped the shit outta that!" and "It's very hot"...

But no seriously Week 1 is done, and so comes to an end the Suzuki and Le Coq training. It bought up lots of stuff, triggered a fair bit for me. Mainly how unbelievably self-conscious I am of what other people think of me.

In terms of artistry I solidified my love and belief in a profound connection between the performer and the audience. Like a rope cast out for the audience to grab. I think that's where the best spoken word artists exist: in that world where everyone in the audience has hold of the rope they've cast out.
And not necessarily in a "this is deep for me" way, as the performer, but in totally giving over everything to the audience WHILE keeping something hidden in order to maintain tension, integrity and basically not being an emotional mess on stage.

"Lifting it above being just another performance, filling it with the relatable and the beautiful." - is what I found written in my ZZZ diary.

But Friday was hard. I was down. I felt self-conscious. Stupid. Out-of-my-league. Like everyone new that I was a fraud, a fake. In Le Coq I felt bare, revealed, raw. There was very little done in terms of acting like acting acting. The extremes were the extremes within ourselves. And it was beautiful, painful, large, small, grotesque and extremely, vividly alive.

In hindsight I loved it even though it was at times too much for me.
Next week comes Butoh and Viewpoints.

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Waking up on the moon
took longer than I thought it would.
Eyelids stapled together, it seemed.
I roll over and realise I've got dust in my mouth.
Spitting it out takes longer than I thought it would.
Clumps of grey matter drifting to the floor.
There's dust everywhere,
scattered from my hair in slow motion as I shake it.
Staggering forward takes longer than I thought it would
and falling takes it's time also.
The lip of this crater is too big for me to take in
and the light at the bottom blinks alien.
I tumble over, stumble down,
moving quicker than I thought I would.
Caught in liquid hands,
moved by alien air.
I fall asleep in a house of hearts
beating stronger than I thought they would.
Waking up on the moon.

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